How To Initiate Serious Conversations With Your Partner

Let’s be honest: having difficult conversations is hard. Often, they can be emotional, uncomfortable, and sometimes confrontational. As much as we might want to avoid these conversations, they are necessary to reach resolution, respect, and understanding.

If you find it difficult to initiate serious conversations with your partner, you’re not alone. Many couples struggle with communication, but there are healthy ways to engage in meaningful, productive conversation. 

Prepare

Regardless of the topic of conversation, preparation is essential. No one likes being caught off guard when it comes to a serious conversation, so let your partner know what you need to discuss and ask to schedule a time to sit down together.

Make sure that you’re going into the conversation with a clear and concise goal in mind. This will help you stay focused and hopefully reduce the anxiety and stress you may feel going into the conversation.

Try to prepare for the conversation by answering some of the questions below:

●     What outcome are you looking for? What are you hoping to achieve?

●     Why is this conversation important?

●     How might your partner perceive what you’re about to tell them?

●     What role do you play in the issue or situation?

Pick the Proper Time and Place

Find a setting and time that will promote a focused and calm discussion. Avoid having this serious conversation in a public place or surrounded by others when possible. This will help you both feel more comfortable and help eliminate distractions. Also, try to schedule time in advance so both parties can prepare without feeling blindsided.

Stay Focused and Be Empathetic

Try to avoid leading the conversation down different paths. When emotions are heightened, and feelings are hurt, it’s easy to bring up past grievances that have nothing to do with the topic of discussion.

When listening to your partner’s reaction or response, try to remain empathetic so that you can understand their perspective and feelings. It’s okay to disagree but try to listen in a way that can help improve your connection and understanding with each other rather than just waiting your turn to speak.

Be Honest & Kind

You should never have to minimize your feelings when speaking with your partner, but you can present them in gentler and less accusatory ways. When discussing how something made you feel, use “I” statements rather than “you” statements.

For example, if you said, “You always leave the front door unlocked when you leave the house,” it can sound like an accusation or attack on your partner. However, saying, “I feel unsafe when the front door is unlocked,” expresses how that action makes you feel and allows your partner to see things from your perspective.  

Be Prepared to Disagree

Productive conversation does not hinge on whether or not both parties agree but on being heard and validated. That means you will likely have discussions that end in disagreement. Remember, you are both on the same team, so a compromise is an acceptable resolution. If you are able to maintain respect and empathy, your conversations will become more productive and less difficult to initiate in the future.

Look for Solutions

Ultimately, in any serious or difficult conversation, the end goal should be to have some resolution to move forward with. Sometimes, you can brainstorm and work together to find common ground. This could include finding a compromise or agreeing to be more sensitive in the future. It could also include taking a step back and working on things separately to improve as a couple.

If you continue to have difficulty communicating, couples counseling can help. Working with a trained therapist can help you find the root of your problem and find healthy ways to engage in conflict in the future. Contact our office today to see how couples therapy can improve your relationship.